I jumped into a very inconveniencing
taxi that hot afternoon in a hurry to meet up with my friend Sarah in
Lekki all the way from Surulere. It was on that blessed 20th October
2012 afternoon and trust Lagos to be full of weddings happening at every
event center. I was super excited when Sarah invited me to come as a
handbag to a wedding. I didn’t know that marked the beginning of a
beautiful journey with the most selfless man I have ever come across. He
glitters only on the inside, so that makes him my own personal gold.
Throughout the ceremony, I didn’t notice
him but was very certain that he noticed me and I could remember a
certain person who struggled to get food and drinks served to us. As a
foodie, I concentrated more on the small chops and not the hustler. Just
at the time, I said to myself that ‘this is not the wedding to catch a husband’
and was hurrying out of the venue. Sarah drew my attention to a group
of tall, handsome, drunk looking, not too young men. I got introduced,
we conversed but no numbers were exchanged or even requested. Long story
short, he actually told his friend to collect my number on his behalf (who does that really), that was how it began.
We hung out very often. He also
complimented me a lot. He was my ideal man, tall, dark, big, handsome,
intelligent, hardworking, respectful, humble, in charge (the boss),
accommodating, perfect gentleman and all I could say was ‘thank you Lord
for 20th October 2012’; but one big mistake that I made or I thought I
made was he never officially asked me out. We just flowed and we had a
lot in common and on one night he made a statement to me on how I was
the girl he was dating and so that really checked box my assumption that
I was on the right track dating the perfect man and having fun.
Like every relationship (or whatever it
was) we had our downs and enjoyment times and well we were both mature
adults so we handled every bit of it properly. Very caring man, willing
to show you and try new things.He was a ladies’ man too as he had female
friends but he never came out as a player, very reserved, always
mingling with his very close guy friends.
Challenges started in December when I
gave him a hamper as an Christmas gift, he appreciated it quite well,
was surprised and grateful. He didn’t return the gesture with an
exchange although I really didn’t mind, I would have loved a gift.
December was a bit tricky because throughout the holiday I didn’t get to
see him. Even though we live close to each other, he always gave an
excuse of being in one state or the other and that time I was friends
with a distant friend of his unbeknownst to him so anytime he said he
was in Asaba, I would just trick my friend and get to know that he was
actually in Lagos but I never wanted to stalk or surprise him.
I knew my guy was lying, I was bothered
but also had my girlfriends occupying my mind with so much activity that
holiday, I was even scheduled to travel but stayed back just to have
fun with him but never for one day from 22nd December to January 2013
did I see him. I deleted my informant because I was tired of knowing the
truth from him and hearing lies from my supposed man, so I just decided
to assume he wasn’t lying but deep down, the trust was gone.
Before then, there had been so many
lies. When he came back from London, he told me he landed in Abuja, and
meanwhile he landed in Lagos. Cheap liar. How did I know? My source
picked him from the airport and don’t worry he can never guess my
source.
After the December drama, I actually
stayed cool and always prayed that what is mine and would come to me, by
then it was a new year. I was just living my life happily with no
commitment but he was always sticking around as usual, (you know that
whole thing when you try to get a girl’s attention, she becomes
reluctant at first, then when she gives in, you all of a sudden start
withdrawing) that was the definition of our relationship. If you say ‘he
isn’t ready to commit’ then you are not far from the truth and if you
also say ‘he is not that into me’, that maybe he just likes me as a
friend – then I would close my eyes for a minute, take a deep breath,
give you a tight hug and accept my fate because really you also must be
very correct. That is why I decided to just do other things with my life
and stay open minded and free.
Another episode happened during
Valentine’s Day, we already talked a lot about it and I wasn’t even
interested in buying anything for him at first, but most of our
conversations stressed on the importance of showing love through gifts
and since I liked him and wouldn’t mind, I made a last decision and
planned for a surprise gift. This actually cost me some percentage of my
January salary but since it’s all about giving, I didn’t mind. On that
day, I started by sending SMS texts and gifts to my family, and then
sent a SMS text to him, as his gift was going to be a late delivery. He
called later in the day and asked how I was doing and then broke the
news that he was in Asaba! I just ignored him and said ok. I played a
smart move by calling his Lagos office directly, acted as a client,
requested to transfer the call to him and who said hello? ‘Mr. Asaba’. I
just made a short statement ‘I wanted to be sure it was your voice that I heard’ and bang.
Well, I ate the cake I already booked
for him but I still sent him the other item because I couldn’t cancel
and it was already delivered to him and it was a painting that only he
could use. As usual I was a learner for the second time. Shockingly he
still denied it was him I spoke to! He saw me that same weekend in a
club with a colleague and was forming ownership asking for an
explanation as why I was with some other guy in a club at that time of
the night. I should have stayed at home and cried because my boyfriend
didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with me and he lied for no reason.
My feelings switched off and I just
liked him as a friend and learnt the hard way. We talked on and off,
sometimes he would come so fast and so serious, then when you show a
little attention, he disappears. All the festive days and holidays were
always spent in Asaba according to him because ‘na him work pass’. I
wondered if he had a girl he wanted to marry in that Asaba but he must
have been really smart to be able to hide it although I don’t stalk. I
thought to myself, maybe when I start digging, I will start finding,
till then I’m still too young to chase a man. If you are dating me, it
is a plus for you.
Fast forward to June 2013 which was his
birthday, well I decided not to be a giver anymore. I shouldn’t be
always giving especially when you are not an orphanage. So all I did was
to celebrate him through BBM, text message and a call. He acknowledged
it very well and as usual was in Asaba working on that day. Then came my
birthday in July, he promised to send me a cake . Before I forget, he
actually accused me of not giving him anything on his birthday. Guess
what fellows? I didn’t get any cake and even the birthday call was late
on that day, his excuse was that he was very busy. It didn’t make home
girl get less than she deserved on her birthday from friends and family.
May I add that the first time he actually visited and sat down in my
house was when I was sick and off work, he came to visit, these are the
kind of people that would buy you the most expensive casket and fly your
corpse to your village but never gave you money to buy food and look
beautiful when you were alive.
We are off now but good friends, call
whenever you remember each other, no intimacy, no attachments, just
casual friends, nothing more. I even told him to come let’s have a
discussion and the guy came with his friend. Unserious 35 year old man,
well I pray he would wake up one day and get committed – hopefully with
me or with any other good girl out there. Till then I wish him well. You
can share your thoughts on this or if you are going through something
similar, how have you been able to deal with it?
May I add that the most interesting part
of this story is that the guy just had his traditional wedding on
Saturday 30th of November 2013 and of course without letting me know.
Funny enough we spoke on the 28th of November and he seemed all normal
and touchy. Wow, do I feel bad? I feel like cursing him but well I’m
okay. I have been a side chick all this while but he did it so well that
I would never have caught or doubted him. I wonder where the girl has
been all this while, like I never noticed. Maybe she was abroad. Anyway,
it all makes sense – why he wasn’t available at some notable dates and
why he has been having issues. He is not still picking my calls till
today. He is apparently dodging me. Well I wish him well and I know
karma is a b***h. One more thing, being a nice girl doesn’t pay at all.
Hope you can publish this story and I hope I find my man better than
this devil in human clothing.
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